I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

I haven't decided whether to dedicate this post to Edward A. Murphy, of Murphy's Law fame, or Norris and Ross McWhirter, twins who compiled the first Guinness Book of World Records.  I will leave it to you, Allegiant Reader, to call that shot.

Last Thursday, my second grader had an appointment with our Family Veterinarian.  She is in the family, and attends to the medical needs of our pets - I tell you this in case you worry that our health is supervised by an animal doctor.  Sofie wanted to interview our Family Veterinarian for a project about community members and their responsibilities.

As luck would have it, on the day before our appointment, we noticed that not one, but both of our scaredy cats had noticeable medical issues.  It was as if they knew we were going to the vet and were clamoring for any sort of attention.  One was hobbling about on three legs, her front paw in the air, desperately going for the sympathy vote, while the other repeatedly would tip her nose in the air and proceed to do something between a cough and a sneeze.  I realize I am not describing this well, but if you actually try to do it yourself, you will achieve some semblance of understanding.  Anyway, I knew that it was not appropriate to drag our yowling cats with us to the interview and say, "By the way, while you are answering these questions, could you give these two a once over?"

Our interview was a blazing success, both on Sofie's part as well as mine, for I secured a Saturday appointment.  You know how that goes: you explain to the receptionist that you are sure that your pets are dying because they are behaving so strangely, and you must see the doctor just as soon as possible, yet when you take them in.... yes, I know you know what happens next.  That is exactly how it went down.

Saturday came along and I was lucky enough to catch both cats without a hitch.  Wheezing Simone was the first to be checked by the doctor.  She had good eyes, ears, internal goings-on, even good flea control, but no coughing or sneezing.  Her only downfall was poor dental hygiene.  We decided that maybe a sore tooth was the source of that strange carrying on (that of course wasn't happening in the doctor's office).  Teeny was second on the table and also came up looking pretty good, besides having poor eyesight.  Her limp turned out to be because of a defensive wound on the bottom of her paw.  But she is not the star of today's story.

Simone's condition dictated that she have some dental work done.  A few days later when I called to see how her procedure went, I said, "Hello, I am calling about my cat, Simone, who had some teeth removed," and before I could finish my sentence, the receptionist added, "and a blade of grass!"  I was caught off guard and couldn't think of much to say.  "She had that removed, too?" I asked stupidly.  "Yes, from her nose!", she stated.  I was pretty sure I didn't understand her correctly and I probably had to ask her to repeat it several times.  She assured me that Simone was fine, and that they had saved the blade for me.  Sure enough, when I got to the clinic, they had a blade of grass that was more than two inches long, beautifully displayed on a piece of gauze.  Looking at that grass and then looking at the size of Simone's head is astonishing in the real sense of the word.  Where was that grass when it was up her nostril?  How did it get there?  Why didn't it come out sooner?  You probably have as many questions as I do.

The technician told me that the day before, they were doing some preliminary work on the cat and discussed the fact that she appeared to have a "booger".  I think that is a technical term.  Then, while they were working on her the next day, they commented that the offending "booger" was still there.  She prodded it with one of the dental tools, and it didn't do anything, so she grabbed a pair of tweezers.  Can you imagine what that would be like, pulling that big long blade of grass out of the cat's nostril? 

In our family, there are several things that have gained notoriety over the years.  The Big Wheatie, the Identical Bee Stings, the Bad Gilr (sic), the Girl in Paris, and now, the Blade of Grass.

The famous Blade of Grass

You be the judge: to whom should I dedicate this post?