Many of you have asked me to give a report on this year's fashion trends based on what I saw at the Food and Wine Festival. By now you must have a deep understanding as to my sense of fashion (or lack thereof) and also an unwavering trust in my observant eye.
I have already dashed all of your hopes to the ground in the previous blog when dishing the big news of the year, that Sparkly Butt jeans are Out. There were not very many fancified fannies there, mine being one of them.
If you were planning to dig out your strapless elastic-topped shirt and flaunt it around with your skin tight capris and flip-flops, I may have to disappoint you on that count as well. Someone already did that, and without a lot of success. Yes, she attracted the attention of everyone, but it was not in a good way. I confess that I gasped each time I caught sight of her, and my friend murmured repeatedly, "Oh, that is just asking for trouble!" I see that there are all sorts of videos online about how to turn your shirt into a tube top, and there is something called an "8 Way Tube Top", and that scares me. I don't want to dwell on the negative, but please, promise me that you will throw out those tube top shirts as soon as you are done reading this blog.
What is the one piece of must have fashion this year, you ask? Boots! As I was standing in the line to get through the door, I knew it to be true. Boots were everywhere. High heeled, low heeled, and flat heeled boots; boots with buttons, boots with buckles, boots with laces, and boots with zippers; boots with pants tucked in, boots on the outside of the pants, and boots with dresses and skirts. Tall boots outnumbered short boots, but short boots held their own. They came in every color and many fabrics. Riding boots, cowboy boots, dress boots, and boots I don't know the name of the style.
I have already begun my search for this year's hot fashion item, and it led me, the skinflint, to the mall. That really wasn't why I was there, but while in a popular sporting goods department store, I spotted a tall pair of black leather boots with buttons on the back. Being my size, black, and real leather were huge attractions, but the biggest draw was, of course, the red price tag. I tried them on and indeed, they were very comfortable. Looking down at my feet, I noticed that the boot foot looked a lot larger than my shoe foot. Hunched over, holding my pant-leg pulled up to expose the entire boot shaft, as well as as my pasty white knee, I stumped across the floor to a mirror. My observation was correct: the boot was shaped in such a way that I looked like I belonged in a German army. Combined with the size of my foot, not even the red sticker could convince me to make the purchase. I may have wiped a tear from my eye as I placed the pair back on the shelf, but it was probably more because of the discount than anything else. The search continues.
Don't you have a promise to keep?
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