I know that you have been on the edge of your seat (haha) reading about all of my Bejeweled Butt Drama. Indeed, because of this scholarship of yours, you also know that this weekend is the annual Capital Food and Wine Fest, the scene of the original Sparkly Butt Jeans Challenge. If you know me and are acquainted with my simple wardrobe, you also know that I have not risen to the challenge.
It's not for lack of trying! I have looked... well, I can't fool you. You know the skinflint that I am - have I told you the Callison Family Motto? It's Carpe Dealum, "seize the deal". So you have rightly guessed that I scoured the factory outlets. Yes, I did find some sparkly butt jeans, but to be honest, they weren't sparkly enough. If my rear is going to be resplendent, it will not be with just a few sequins scattered here and there. There will have to be a full-on pattern, proudly promoting my posterior.
I sadly admit that I have not made a true effort outside of the bargain world. I have been referred to such stores as Buckles, Nordstrom, and Macys. A person has to be in the right mindset to walk through the doors of such department stores. One must be prepared to pay the price, one must be resigned to trying on many different garments, and one must have a full tank of patience. One must be able to recognize one's limitations and refuel at the first sign of weakening. I have not met all of these prerequisites in a single day. There are many debilitating factors: accompanying minors, short-legged, thin designers, inadequate breakfast, and the family motto are just a few.
So here I sit, in my plain-pocketed pantalones, with less than 48 hours before I arrive at the St. Martin's Pavilion. I am wondering what the chances are of finding success at the outlets (you see where my mind goes first, it's genetics!). I am wondering if all the It Girls will be wearing their sparkly butt jeans this year, or will there be a new fashion statement? And if the latter is true, will I be issued a new challenge? That's a scary thought when one thinks about the history of fashion: big hair, skinny jeans, cleavage, bell-bottoms, tunic sweaters, mini skirts.... where will the pendulum stop this year?
