FAUX PAS TROIS

I hope you have read Faux Pas Un, because the main characters are the same.  This is also a faux pas for the family books, and it happened before the Caroline/Catherine debacle. 

Cousin Primrose was getting married at the local club.  I will let your imagination wander through the different types of clubs that it could have been - hunting, gentlemen's, tennis, yacht, gardening - all that matters is that it was fancy.  I was 7 months pregnant and not feeling very fancy at all. 

It was difficult to find something in my maternity wardrobe that was club-worthy, but in the end I found something that I thought would do.  I tried to make myself look more elegant by wearing heels, but I think the pink rain slicker counteracted all efforts in that direction.  In any case, I had the wrapped present, I was dressed to the... well, maybe fives, and on my way to a party. 

The only problem was that I could not for the life of me remember the name of Primrose's groom.  I had a nice wedding card but I could not allow myself to put the card in an unmarked envelope.  I called my sister-in-law (if you read Faux Pas Un, you should now have a sense of foreshadowing) to ask her the name of Primrose's beloved.  She confidently answered with "Brett".  I gratefully thanked her and prepared the card, writing with my best flourish, "PRIMROSE AND BRETT" on the outside of the envelope.  I slid the envelope under the ribbon of the present and secured it with tape.  I am always quite fastidious when it comes to gifts at an event like that, one doesn't want one's gift to separate from the card.

The parking lot was quite full when I arrived.  After parking, I limped across the lot in my heels, lugging the present close to my big, heavy stomach.  Slowly climbing the front stairs, I spied the gift table.  I waddled to the table and was about to leave the present with the others when I noticed what the other cards said:  "PRIMROSE AND BRAD". 

Gasping, I put my hand over the writing on my envelope.  I furtively looked to both sides and was relieved that there was nobody else in the entry way.  I tore open the envelope and yanked out the card.  Inside, above the congratulatory statement, I wrote (and now I hope it was the same color ink), "Primrose and Brad".  I crumpled up the offending envelope and stuffed it in my small purse.  I looked around again and I was still alone.  As I had ruined the wrap job when I had grabbed at the envelope, I had to rip off the wrapping paper.  I prayed no one would come up the stairs and find me opening the wedding gifts.  I could imagine the spectacle of a pregnant woman being hauled off by the police for robbing the wedding.  Luckily my gift was a picnic basket, into which I could discreetly hide the naked card.  I'm not sure now what I did with the expanse of wrapping paper, I have a faint recollection of wadding it up and hiding it under the table.

I staggered away from the gift table before anyone discovered my gaucherie, wishing I hadn't worn heels or a pink slicker, hoping that nobody had spotted me lurking around the table, and most of all, yearning to be at home.