Since the last post, I have been asked by many people if I attained success in the Sparkly Butt Challenge. In most cases I wouldn't say because I hadn't yet posted and I wanted You, Dear Reader, to be one of the first to know how it all ended.
I had received several messages via the miracle of different forms of technology from Kind Readers, rooting me on and giving me hints as to where I might find the perfect pair of Sparkly Butt Jeans. Buckle (or is it Buckles? I worry about this sort of thing), I was told, would have enough sparkle and bling to win a thousand challenges, and would even come long enough to reach the floor, were I to try them on. I did hear a murmur about spendiness, and as I have already confessed to you about being a skinflint, I can also admit that I was a tad put off about Buckle and the possible dent it could put in my pocketbook. I had also heard from several Savvy Shoppers that the outlets had possibility. So on the very day of the SBJ Challenge, I ignored my all-important TO DO List and dashed down to the outlet stores once again.
At the outlet store, I carefully perused the wide selection and finally settled on six pairs to try on. I had been alerted to some jeans that were very sparkly, but also very trendy (read this as "young") by a concerned reader. Of course I can be as trendy as the next person, but there are times when I draw the line. For one thing, these jeans whose brand I will not reveal, had a zipper that I swear started at the crotch and was only 2 inches long. My non-teenager fingers could barely get a grip on the pull tab, let alone actually zip the pants. One thing leads to the next: this meant that the waistband was lower than my waist by a considerable amount. As I stood there in those tight teenager jeans, with my orange underpants billowing out of the top, I drew the line. There is nothing trendy about orange underpants puffing out of the top of one's jeans.
The next pairs of jeans that I donned were unremarkable, but as I was turning this way and that, shading my eyes from the glints of the sequins and jewels that were decorating my derriere, I thought how ironic it is that denim, the go-to fabric for ranchers, farmers and cowboys through the ages, is being decorated with jewels, sequins, and other sharp and shiny objects. What cowboy would jump on his horse wearing sparkly butt jeans? He would either scrape up his saddle or scratch up his horse. Neither would be an option for a real cowboy, in my opinion.
I finally did settle on a pair of sparkly butt jeans, but they were not like what I predicted I would buy. Subtly decorated on one pocket, I met the Sparkly Butt Jeans Challenge head-on. Yes, there are certain underpants that have to be worn with these jeans, but it's a small price to pay. For those of you familiar with my family motto, I was able to stay true to that, as well. My challenger praised me heartily for my success, and assured me that these new duds were at least one hundred times better than the jeans I wore to the event last year (remember the hand-me-downs from my mom?).
As I proudly strolled through the doors of the Capital Food and Wine Fest, my eyes scanned the room for more of the Sparkly Butt Jeans. Alas, they are no longer In. There were very few SB Jeans in attendance. I am now in the hunt for a new pair of boots!
good one, good one! the new hunt begins...
ReplyDelete