Forbidden Act

It's a sin to double dip.  I know this because as a child, I was warned not to on a regular basis.  You may think you know what I mean, but let me clarify for you.  First of all, I am NOT talking about using a tanning bed AND a sunless tanner to achieve a very dark tan (if you could see the luster of my skin, however, there would be no doubt in your mind that I know this is a sin, too).  I am not hinting at the practice of simultaneously holding multiple elected positions.  Nor am I alluding to the meteorological phenomenon of an "early high" temperature and a "late low" temperature in the same day. 

I am referring to the dangerous act of poking a food item, such as a small vegetable or a chip, into a diplike substance, taking a bite, and then inserting same food item back into the dip.  The diplike substance may be any creamy concoction, a salsa or guacamole, and extends into the dessert world to include puddings and chocolates that may be available for dipping.  A person may be able to avoid the status as a "double dipper", for indeed the scornful label exists, by turning the chiplike item around, so as not to insert the "bitey" into the dip.  The "bitey" is the problem, you see, for popular belief is that the "bitey" is adding disease-causing bacteria from the double dipper's mouth back into the dip.  Thus it is classified as one of the most dangerous acts to mistakenly execute. 

There are many factors that influence the danger classification level, including the formality of the event, the number of guests, the level of intimacy between said guests, as well as the social rank of the offender.  As you can imagine, as the levels of these factors rise, the danger level ramps up exponentially.  The exception to this axiom is the last factor mentioned, the social rank of the offender.  Generally speaking, if it is Grandma or Grandpa double dipping, or the President of the United States, observers will say nothing.  The universally unspoken rule is that only persons of equal or higher ranking may call out the double dipper.

Consequences have the potential of being quite severe in the event of being caught double dipping.  As stated earlier, the mere label as a "double dipper" can be devastating to the accused.  In extreme cases, the person may be shunned from further events involving dip.  It is very difficult to shake the label and make a comeback after being identified as a double dipper, and many people have remained on the outskirts of the chips and dip displays for the remainder of their party years. 

There are other, less obvious, consequences to consider in the event of a double dip.  In most incidents when the infraction is witnessed by multiple people, the dip is seized and inspected.  The bitey is isolated and removed.  Further inspections ensue to assure all witnesses that the dip is bitey-free, and safe to consume. It is imperative that these inspections, as well as the disposal of the bitey, are done in front of the witnesses.  Preventing mass hysteria is crucial, and the reputation of the dip must remain intact at all costs.  In unusual cases with multiple or repeat offenders, the dip has been known to be discarded.  This can occur with or without the approval of the dip maker.  Even with precautions taken, it is still possible that the dip may be avoided for the rest of its table time by guests who suspect that the removal of the bitey was not adequate.

With the holidays rapidly approaching, there are double dip, or "re-dip" patrols on the rise.  These clandestine units are generally self-appointed vigilantes who fear bacterial pandemics of the worst sort.  They carry Handi-wipes in their purses or man-bags, and have hand sanitizer at the ready in their pockets.  Mouth rinse lives in the glove boxes of their cars.  There is no spotting these agents ahead of time.  You will only know their presence by the calling card left standing in front of the dip bowl.  In bold, colorful lettering, it will say, "NO RE-DIPS, YOU DIP!"