(Disclaimer: this is from the WISHFUL THINKING files)
Smallpox has broken out in Olympia! That's right, it has been reported that a freak case of smallpox broke out in Olympia over the weekend. The number of cases is quite small, in fact only one, and the resulting quarantine has inconvenienced the afflicted woman enough that she was unable to attend the fabulous Christmas performance at the Washington Center for the Performing Arts. Confined to her suburban home in Olympia, she now contemplates how she acquired the event tickets.
Approximately one month ago, our patient attended a Silent Auction and Wine Tasting sponsored by Concern For Animals, a non-profit, charitable organization which helps thousands of animals in need. After tasting what some may say was excessive amounts of wine, our invalid sauntered past the tables displaying the auction items. Indifferently scrawling her bidder number and bid on random items, she made her way around the room. After completing the circuit, she hoofed it back to the wine tasting tables where she indiscriminately blew her wad of wine scripts and chatted up the vintners.
Meanwhile, a youthful, honest and unsuspecting woman, who shall remain unnamed, carefully made the rounds of the auction tables. She painstakingly read the description of each item, and deliberately weighed its pros and cons. Before making her bid, she conscientiously checked her bank account balance which was housed in the back of her mind. Upon reading the description of the holiday concert at the Washington Center for the Performing Arts, she mentally checked her calendar. The performance would be the day after her precocious and talented daughter's piano recital. It seemed to be the perfect reward after months of relentlessly practicing (and listening to) Deck the Halls, and We Wish You A Merry Christmas. Our lovely patron imagined the fun they would have dressing up and staying up late. She jotted down her bidder number and bid, already thinking about what they would wear and if they would go out for dessert afterwards. She toured around the remaining items, bidding on just a few others. Making one last pass past her most exciting bid, she saw that her name was indeed the last one on the paper, thus ensuring that she had won the evening out. "OKAY!", a woman shouted, "Time's up! Step away from the tables, please!"
Time stopped. Our unsuspecting claimant paused where she was, only a few feet away from the bid paper. Everyone in the room froze. A small woman wearing a pink sparkly shirt, wine glass in her hand, slithered through the crowd. Eyes were the only body parts moving as they followed her across the room. She made a bee line for the paper describing the Washington Center performance. Glancing quickly around, she snatched up the nearest pen and scribbled something below the last bidder number and bid. She dropped the pen and snaked her way out. She did not look up to see her horrified opposition standing there mouth agape, nor did she hear the curses that were tumbling from her challenger's open portal. Had she heard them, she would have dashed out to get a smallpox vaccination.
Cheaters shouldn't prosper.
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