I know a sure-fire way to make a million dollars overnight. It's legal in all states, it will bring no shame upon your family, and it will be something you can brag about to your grandkids. I have even shared this idea with several people. Do you know how they responded? They scoffed at me! I didn't even ask for a percentage of the earnings.
Here's how to do it: invent a starter for a small engine (lawnmower, chainsaw, weedeater, etc.) that does not involve a pull string, but a regular old key. Pretty simple, huh? I know for a fact that women all over America, and I don't use that name lightly - I include Canada, the United States, Mexico, Central and South America - will rush out and buy those newfangled machines. Maybe even women in (gasp!) EUROPE and (swoon) ASIA! Heckfire, I'll bet even ladies from AUSTRALIA!!!! would jump on this! I'm telling you, this is a big deal. I don't know any woman who enjoys pulling that string over and over and over and over.... to no avail. It is so frustrating! With several of those implements, I even have to put my foot on it to hold it down while I yank up on the string. Over and over and over and over and over. Hunched over, sweating, panting, and getting a sore arm from pulling that blasted string. I read somewhere that you never forget how to curse when you are a DIY homeowner. I maintain that the same is true when you do your own yard maintenance.
Those with the Y-chromosome have quickly snuffed out my idea by saying, yes, but you would add at least five pounds to the weight of the apparatus! Hey fellas! That's called INVENTING! Think outside of the box, for crying out loud! I never said that this millionaire idea would be easy! Good Gravy, if it were that simple, someone would have already thought it up and we wouldn't be having this exchange.
Last weekend I was mentally prepared to do some hard-core logging with my newly repaired chainsaw. I had my official logging Carhartts on (they could walk out to the woods on their own, I'm sorry to tell you, as they have been logging a few times this summer), my bar oil and gasoline in gloved hands. Mom and I lugged all of the equipment out to the woods, found the treasure and got set to work. Guess what. The chainsaw wouldn't start. There I was, all dressed up and no toolage (it's possible that I have made this word up, but just go with it). I tried and tried and tried to get that thing started as my mom looked on in dismay. We walked back to the house, picked up a bigger, heavier chainsaw and headed into the woods again. Back at the sweet spot, I bent down to the chain saw and heaved on the string. Over and over and over. By then I was ready to challenge a trucker to an expletive contest. Sweat was dripping in to my eyes and down my back. The cool morning was replaced by a hot afternoon and the horseflies had found us. I would have traded just about anything for a machine that would easily start. The sad ending to this story is that I didn't cut any wood that day. Chainsaws 2, Gretty 0.
By now all of you sharp minded ones shouldn't even be reading this, you should be jotting down numbers and sketches and ideas. The quicker you invent it, the sooner you'll be living the life of luxury. Please think of me as you are sipping those pink lemonade margaritas by the pool at sunset.....
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