You are aware that I have a raccoon family living in my neighborhood, and that my acreage has its name because of our acquaintance. This year Mama Raccoon has four babies. She began bringing them to the back door earlier in the summer, training them in the fine art of picking cat food from between the boards of the deck. You are wondering how I know that it's the same raccoon that has visited me for several years. Well, it's because she is blind in her right eye; it is cloudy white. I have just a slight feeling of pity for her. Poor Mama Raccoon, a single parent, she is blind in one eye and has a family to feed.
The problem is that she is getting way too familiar with my surroundings and my schedule. She knows that the cats eat first thing in the morning, so she shows up shortly thereafter to clean up what they are still trying to eat. She washes her hands in their green, depression-glass water bowl, turning their cool drink to a light mud color. Then she goes out to inspect under the bird feeder. The grosbeaks are such pigs that they spill black oil sunflower seeds all over the ground. After the squirrels have had their way with the bird feeder, it's a wonder that there is anything left in it! A perfect all-you-can-eat buffet for Mama. She will stay up there a long time in the morning sun, scrabbling at the seeds and making a terrible bare spot in my already ugly lawn. If I try to sneak food to starving Simone and trembling Teeny, she makes a bee line back to the deck. She also stops by in the evenings, when I'm watching TV, to say hello and to scarf down any leftovers that Simone and Teeny may have neglected. I'm told that the hole she is making in my siding means that my siding is rotten; it has nothing to do with her "extremely dexterous front paws" or her "non-retractable claws". This is the least of my problems.
She is now training her four kits to scavenge under the bird feeder, pick through the cat food, and perk up their ears at the sound of the sliding door. Since their ears can hear the sound of an earthworm underground, I'm sure the sliding door sounds like a locomotive sounding the call to dinner. While they aren't so interested in leftover bird seeds, the kits are terribly excited to climb the trees in the back yard. While Mama is gorging herself on seeds, they are scampering up and down the tall fir trees. Did you know that they can climb upward, as well as climb down FACING DOWNWARD?
Mama is no longer afraid of me opening the door and yelling, so I have resorted to kicking shoes at her. Even when the first one flies past her, she won't budge until the second one makes contact. She only runs under the deck, and as soon as I close the door, she is up in an instant, defying me in the broad daylight.
So far, she and her bandit babes have left my junior vegetable garden alone. The day they touch a zucchini or taste a tomato, I am afraid the real war will start. Mostly I am afraid because I have read about the raccoon's amazing intelligence, incredible memory, ability to swim and stay in the water for a couple of hours, excellent tactile ability, and outstanding sense of smell. The only thing I have up on Mama Raccoon is that I have opposable thumbs.
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